Three years ago I made my dream trip to England. I spent ten days with my mom and oldest sister taking in the sights and (would you believe it?) sunshine of the Cotswolds, Derbyshire, and finally London.
It didn’t take us long to figure out that the best time of day to be in England is tea time. Everywhere we went our favorite and first order of business was to decide which tea house we would cozy up in that afternoon.
I have fond memories from each place we stopped, but that first afternoon in Painswick was definitely the most memorable. It wasn’t because the scones and chutney were other-worldly (that was in Bath) or that the service was so perfectly chipper and British (that was in Cheltenham). It was memorable because of the people watching.
Situated across from us at that particular tearoom were two couples. They were seated in front of the fireplace; their chairs circled around a table set with their tea service. What stood out to me from observing them was that they were discussing a point of disagreement, but it was so civil.
It became apparent that they were practiced talkers and listeners. A rare combination! One would express his side emphatically yet fairly, and the other would share her thoughts clearly and levelly. And around it would go. They didn’t seem to be in a harried rush to say something before they lost the other’s attention. In fact, I don’t remember them interrupting each other at all. They each allowed the other to “tell their bit” fully before adding their own two pence (sorry, couldn’t help it).
They were really conversing. And it was artful.
Don’t we all want and need that kind of interaction? Life is so much better when we regularly hear, challenge, humor, and buoy each other up through conversation. I would even go so far as to argue that conversations—like food—shape cultures. In this world torn by mistrust, terror, and violence we could use a deep culture shift.
Like any art form, real conversation takes practice. Happily, good food sets the perfect stage for good conversation. This weekend, let’s put out the invitations, circle the chairs, and make our meals count.
